


late night alien fun on History Channel

by lobsterisk



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Aliens, Conspiracy Theories, F/F, also Lapidot sharing a bed, don't trust the government, ive got an unnecessarily foul mouth, there's a lot of swearing and cursing, theres a jumpscare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 17:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10141838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lobsterisk/pseuds/lobsterisk
Summary: Peridot spends way too much time blogging, Lapis is just tired, and they both have no money in their bank accounts. College sure is a fulfilling experience.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Gosh, I haven't posted a fanfic in YEARS;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; but I guess this one doesn't suck so badly, so please enjoy and come burn in the Lapidot hell with me

“Lapis, Lapis, wake up! It’s important!”

Lapis grumbles in response as Peridot shakes her by the shoulder. She keeps her eyes closed and curls in her side of the bed, covering her head with the blanket. Just because Peridot likes to stay up all night in the internet instead of having a decent sleeping routine, it doesn’t mean Lapis is going to entertain her and her love for stupid cat videos. Fuck those cute cats and their adorableness and their jumping away from cucumbers.

“Laaaapis! Look, Lapis, _look_! Pleeeease, it won’t take long!” Peridot shakes her more vigorously, and Lapis considers kicking her out of the bed. But, as tempting as it is to see her girlfriend barking about serious injuries on her back (most likely to be a lie), Lapis concludes that having the laptop currently sitting on Peridot’s lap smashed on the ground is not a very good thing. College students are in a permanent state of brokenness, especially those who willingly end up majoring in Art. Lapis will be lying if she said “avoiding wasting money on a better single-person mattress” wasn’t between the top ten reasons for her dating – and consequently sharing a bed with – Peridot. She considers herself a simple person with simple needs.

One these needs being, of course, a good night sleep before having an important lecture in the next morning.

“Peridot, you know I am really fucking tired and I need to be up at seven –” Lapis mumbles and peeks out of her blanket cocoon. Peridot looks so excited and her eyes sparkle with anticipation and fuck Lapis is just too easily won over.

“It won’t take long! I promise!” Peridot bounces and the mattress shakes. Lapis fixes her a Glare, and Peridot seems to retract a little. Good. It’s too early for so much energy.

Lapis untangles herself from the blanket, and sits up making sure her facial expression states how much she is Not Ok with this situation. Peridot averts her gaze to the laptop’s screen and types hurriedly on her keyboard. “Ok, what are we having this time? Cats playing with babies? Dogs licking each other’s asses?”

“Ew! No, Lapis! I’ve never shown you this kind of thing!” Peridot looks at her girlfriend with disgust before turning her attention back to the screen. “Remember when you said I was wasting too much time with blogging?”

“Yeah. I still think so” Lapis stretches her arms and rests one of them behind Peridot’s shoulders. She brings her tiny girlfriend a little closer. There’s a mess of blonde hair brushing on her right cheek, but at least it smells nice. Peridot always smells so nice. Sometimes, Lapis likes to just lay close to her, inhaling the citric scent of her shampoo and feeling her freckled skin all smooth next to her. Peridot being quiet is a bonus, but even when she won’t shut up her presence is Lapis’ happy place. “Luckily you are not relevant enough to become a meme or something. All this alien slash conspiracy stuff is getting over the top, Peridot.”

“First of all, _non-believer_ ,” Peridot points a finger at Lapis, and luckily it’s just the indicator, “the word ‘alien’ is incorrect, as it only describes what we consider ‘of a different nature’, not exactly comprising all the information you meant to include in your statement. I discuss the science behind the theories and possibilities of _extraterrestrial life_ –”

Lapis yawns and rests her head on Peridot’s shoulder. Suddenly there’s silence, and Lapis doesn’t need to look up to know Peridot is absolutely mortified to have her speech interrupted by something as frivolous as physical affection. “I’m not going to pay any attention to your apocalyptic crap right now, Peridot. Sorry.”

The typing resumes and Lapis can hardly hear the words “clod” and “unsupportive girlfriend”. Lapis thinks it’s unfair. If Peridot decided to go homeless, alerting people about the “interstellar threat” while wearing aluminum foil as a "protection helmet", Lapis would surely record everything on camera and make a lot of money out of it – would try to make it anonymously, of course, she doesn’t want to be associated with this kind of lunacy for now. It counts as support, right? She even considers sharing the profits.

“Here! Found it!” Peridot nudges Lapis, who was close to dozing off again. “I had to use a lot of my hacker abilities to break some codes and reach this link, you know…” she says smugly. Lapis is almost proud, but she chooses to refrain from doing much more than arching an eyebrow. She sits up again, and deeply regrets saying she was ok with Peridot’s late night habits when they moved together almost ten months ago.

“Are you doing illegal stuff? I’m not bailing you out of jail.”

“No, Lapis! It’s just that this is top secret information! I –”

Lapis rubs her eyes. “You’re fucked, aren’t you?”

“No, listen! I – someone claiming to know stuff the Government has been hiding from the general public read my blog! And they gave me instructions to reach some weird audio!” Peridot looks at her with huge eyes and moves her hands rapidly, as if trying to convey as much information as possible in only a few sentences. Lapis wonders if she should be concerned for her girlfriend’s blood pressure and lungs. “It might be some sort of response for the millions of auditory stimuli the NASA has been sending off space through radio waves! It might be something really important, as apparently nobody is allowed to even mention this out of the Pentagon!”

Lapis’ brain goes wide awake at this point. Are they really breaking into the government’s data? Peridot may have some debatable courses of action when it comes to questioning authority (and it has been reflecting quite poorly on her college career), but she has at least some sense of self-preservation, right? She is not stupid, right?

 _Right_?

“Peridot, are they going to track us down to this apartment?”

“No, Lapis. I have everything under control, I swear. I have everything I need to protect us installed!” Peridot smiles broadly as the navigator warns her that the .mp3 archive was successfully downloaded. Lapis frowns. She doesn’t have the most advanced programming skills, but she knows for a fact there’s something weird about the archive’s choice of format. “Now, keep quiet! We might be making history here! We are probably one of the first people to listen to this audio! We are changing everything! The science! The world! _Everything_!” She starts babbling and can barely contain her trembling.

Peridot moves her hand to the touchpad, and clicks the play button lightly. Her hand is practically vibrating, so it takes a second attempt to effectively get the audio on.

It starts off with a low frequency static noise that gets increasingly higher as they both sit completely still gazing at the laptop’s screen. Ten seconds or so pass and neither of them dare breathing. The noise gets low again, and a sound that distinctively reminds Lapis of someone clearing their throat becomes audible. Her frowns deepens, but before she can comment on it, they are taken out of their daze by a scream much louder than the white noise they have been experiencing so far.

The scream turns into laugh, and Lapis doesn’t know much about aliens, but she is pretty sure this is a human laughing. The laugh ceases almost immediately, and the almost-confirmed human suddenly speaks.

“ _TROLLED, YOU FUCKING NERD!_ ”

And the audio is over.

Nor Peridot nor Lapis dare to move as the audio goes on auto-repeat. Lapis side-gazes her girlfriend, still baffled by the prank (that she recognizes she would have deeply appreciated under other circumstances, she has a soft spot for internet trolls), and realizes Peridot is stone-still. She looks petrified, and Lapis fears she is now dating someone broken in more than one way.

Time to intervene.

Lapis leans in closer and delete the audio, making sure to erase it even from the Recycle Bin, and closes the laptop without even bothering to turn it off. Without the light from its screen, the room is almost completely dark. It feels a lot cozier, and right now cozy is a very welcome adjective. She places the computer by the nightstand next to her side on the bed, and prays she won’t accidentally knock it over once she is asleep again.

But that can wait.

Lapis’ eyes grow used to the new lighting setting, and she seems the faint silhouette of her girlfriend shrinking into a (very tiny) ball of shame and retreating to the very corner of her side of the bed. Luckily for Lapis, she is still pretty close, as the bed barely fits two people.

Scooting closer, Lapis tries to not touch her back as she tries to lay down herself. It might be better for Peridot to have her personal space respected. Lapis looks at the ceiling, her interlaced hands resting on her stomach. She closes her eyes, and tries to go back to sleep. She thinks of tall buildings and their glowing windows that look like millions of pairs of eyes that won’t blink; she thinks of the ocean, of gentle waves brushing on her thighs and the sand between her toes; she thinks of the beautiful night sky they have by the beach, of the times she and Peridot went out to stargaze together.

 _Peridot_.

Lapis doesn’t think she can sleep while her girlfriend is feeling so bad right next to her. She doesn’t need to open her eyes to know Peridot has not even breathed in the past five minutes. Empathy sucks. Having feelings for someone else sucks even worse.

And being in love sucks more than anything. She wants her money back.

“You know, I told you this was a bad idea.” Nothing. Peridot doesn’t even move. Lapis frowns and yeah, calling her out own her own silliness is a bad idea for now. A few seconds pass as Lapis decides to change the subject. Maybe she can distract Peridot.

“Steven called yesterday. Pearl is bringing him over on Sunday, and he said he has bought the new Legend of Zelda game. You wanted to check it out, right? Infinite maps or whatever. Amethyst and Garnet are coming over too. The whole gang will be here.”

Nothing. However, Peridot does move a little, meaning that she is still well awake and completely able to hear her girlfriend. Lapis feel encouraged to move on.

“Pearl is trying to learn how to cook, but I heard Steven still is pretty better than her. Remember how he would feed us that one week we babysat him? He is so creative with his sushi techniques. And he was only twelve at the time. Can you believe he is almost fifteen by now?”

Lapis feels fidgeting next to her, and decides whatever she is doing is working.

“He is all grown up now, and soon he will be going to college himself. He says he wants to be a musician, but Pearl is pretty much investing every rational argument she can come up with to convince him to become anything else. His father is a professional musician, maybe that’s the reason why Steven wants to become one so badly? His father is going to be back in town next year. You know that Greg guy? Who looks like a hot dog sausage?”

Peridot snickers. Lapis slides a little closer, and she feels her arm brushing against Peridot’s back. She fights the urge to just go ahead and hold her girlfriend.

“I didn’t have the chance to know him properly, but I guess he must be an ok person. Rose doesn’t seem like someone who would choose to be with an asshole. Although I know I won’t ever be able to see what she has seen on him romantically, you know. I’m too gay for this.”

“Yeah, I know” Lapis hears her girlfriend mumble closer than she has expected, and suddenly Peridot is handling Lapis’ arms so she can wrap her neck and shoulders with them. With a few fluid moves, they are facing each other, tangled in a somewhat enjoyable position. Neither of them says anything, and a comfortable silent embraces the two girls. Lapis tightens her grip around Peridot, and Peridot slides her arms around Lapis’ waist in response.

Lapis plants her face on Peridot’s blonde, messy hair. She sniffs in contently, and Peridot shivers a little under her. Lapis snorts. Guess it’s already ok to be a little witty.

“Wanna have a quick fuck? I didn’t know Greg was such a turn on. You are so weird.”

Peridot immediately gasps and moves to face her girlfriend eye to eye. For once, Lapis doesn’t feel immediately bad for having her face removed from her girlfriend’s blonde bird nest. God, it’s so easy to mess with her, especially when it comes to feelings and sex. They have been dating for almost two years now, and Peridot still get so hot and bothered by the simple mention of intimacy. Lapis fully intends to make use of this weakness until it stops working.

Lapis looks at her with half-lidded eyes. Peridot is frowning, but she doesn’t look really mad – it’s mostly embarrassment that leads her to this specific I’m-Very-Angry-Can’t-You-See expression. In the faint illumination, provided by the blueish moonlight that manages to slide between the curtains, it’s hard to tell how red her cheeks are, but Lapis knows exactly how hot the blush looks and feels. She has a lot of experience in this department. She knows what she is doing. And she has absolute no regrets when she leans in and pecks Peridot’s lips.

“You know, you keep doing your thing. I might not get it, some stupid trolls… _clods_ might not get it, even Pearl might not get it. But if it somehow makes you feel good, go ahead and post about asteroids and minerals or whatever. I’m sure it will end up well for you.” Lapis pauses for a second, considering her own words seriously. She isn’t very good at giving peep talk, but she never lies. Lapis might be awkward at giving encouraging speeches, but when she tells someone she believes they are going somewhere she _does_ believe they are going somewhere. She is not an optimistic liar. “Maybe some weirdo from National Geographic or History Channel will read your blog and invite you for interviews.”

There’s silence between them for a little more than one awkward minute. Peridot hesitates, leans in, and kisses Lapis. This time, it’s slow and gently, and Lapis is glad her “thank you” does not take form in fidgeting words and glancing away. They both suck at this whole “talking about feelings” thing, but thankfully they have each other. They can suck at being sentimental together.

Lapis nudges Peridot’s cheeks and her body allows herself to feel sleepy again. She knows Peridot must be feeling tired as well, and feels (more than sees) her girlfriend yawning next to her. They find their way back to tangling themselves with limbs and blankets, and Lapis feels herself close to finally dozing off.

Who could tell that Lapis was going to have so many things good at her life? She has a girlfriend with fluffy hair, a college degree, a house with food and blankets and comfortable silence.

And, on top of that, who could tell she was going to find someone who made her feel she deserves said good things?

“Hey, Lapis.”

“Hm?”

“Are you getting interviewed with me on History Channel?”

“No fucking way.”

Peridot snickers. “Yeah, I knew you were going to say this.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if there is any grammatical errors or writing incoherence in this fic! Hope you liked it!


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